Love, or lust...?
I believe that there are many different kinds of love - love of family, love of friends, unrequited love, the love where you’re loved in return and so on – and that it is never ‘wrong’ to feel them for anyone, although there are many circumstances where society dictates that it could be inappropriate to consider these feelings love. I also suggest that for every love, there is an equal lust that manifests itself in different guises and forms. It is not always easy to tell the difference, and as such many of us get confused, particularly as you can feel both at the same time, and one can mutate into the other.
I have recently come to the conclusion, that fear and doubt are the things that differentiate lust from love. Generally, the absence of fear and doubt indicates lust and the presence of fear and doubt indicates love. Basically, with lust there is a comfortable ignorance of consequences. With love, consequences are a pivotal factor. I’m not saying that one can’t worry about the consequences of lust, but I would suggest that this probably stems from confusing lust and love, (among other scenarios) which is easily done.
The functions of fear and doubt I would then argue are a ‘safety measure’, part of a system of checks and balances designed to make sure that ‘it’s the real thing’. If the ambiguous emotions we arbitrarily label as love survive the fear and doubt phase, they have earned the right to be called ‘love’. Subtle differences in the love we feel for different people keep this process complex, because in order to ascertain whether these emotions are genuine, it needs to be. We question love for the same reason a witness is questioned in court – we want to know if it is telling the truth, because an impersonator (i.e. lust) is no eye-witness.
I have come to the realisation that I am not, and cannot always be in control. I cannot necessarily find a definition for my emotions, nor should I have to. Yes, I have confused lust with love. Yes, I believe that I have experienced both. I believe that real love changes over time, but that it never evaporates fully. To have loved someone, is to have given them a place in your heart forever. And even though there is someone in residence in mine, despite trying to evict him through fear and doubt, as long as I can’t see him and can ignore the reality of the situation, the position of ‘Prince Charming’ in my life is vacant, and applications are open... :)
I have recently come to the conclusion, that fear and doubt are the things that differentiate lust from love. Generally, the absence of fear and doubt indicates lust and the presence of fear and doubt indicates love. Basically, with lust there is a comfortable ignorance of consequences. With love, consequences are a pivotal factor. I’m not saying that one can’t worry about the consequences of lust, but I would suggest that this probably stems from confusing lust and love, (among other scenarios) which is easily done.
The functions of fear and doubt I would then argue are a ‘safety measure’, part of a system of checks and balances designed to make sure that ‘it’s the real thing’. If the ambiguous emotions we arbitrarily label as love survive the fear and doubt phase, they have earned the right to be called ‘love’. Subtle differences in the love we feel for different people keep this process complex, because in order to ascertain whether these emotions are genuine, it needs to be. We question love for the same reason a witness is questioned in court – we want to know if it is telling the truth, because an impersonator (i.e. lust) is no eye-witness.
I have come to the realisation that I am not, and cannot always be in control. I cannot necessarily find a definition for my emotions, nor should I have to. Yes, I have confused lust with love. Yes, I believe that I have experienced both. I believe that real love changes over time, but that it never evaporates fully. To have loved someone, is to have given them a place in your heart forever. And even though there is someone in residence in mine, despite trying to evict him through fear and doubt, as long as I can’t see him and can ignore the reality of the situation, the position of ‘Prince Charming’ in my life is vacant, and applications are open... :)
posted by Liga at 6:32 pm
2 Comments:
Interesting idea about how we can differentiate between lust and love. I think you might be right for the most part. But yea sometimes it really is tricky to see the difference, especially if you're in the middle of the relationship. I do disagree with the idea that once you have loved someone you will always love them though. And good luck with filling your prince charming space I'm sure it'll happen sometime. It does with most of us.
Why do you say it is not possible to love someone once and then always? You are more than entitled to your own opinion, I'm just curious. I don't believe that the love you feel for them in the beginning remains the same, but that they always have a place in your heart as someone you truly loved. If you didn't love them as much as you may have thought you did, that place will not exist...
Post a Comment
<< Home